tough night

We went to my sisters for chicken spaghetti and all was going well. We ate dinner. It was wonderful. Mark made 2 batches one for us wimpy people and one for the people who like to breathe fire. We had chocolate, caramel covered popcorn for dessert. It all was delicious. The boys were playing the Wii with each other and Uncle Mark. Samuel was undefeated in the boxing tournament. I have some pictures I will post them when I can. Hopefully tomorrow after I get the part for my car.

Lanie and Aleecia played in the make-up and Bennett played with the dog almost all night. That was until he got a little tired and wanted to lay with me on the couch wioth his "DADO" (blankey). Uncle Mark walked by and kissed Aleecia and then Bennett perked up and asked me "Do you miss your Daddy?" You have to understand, all husbands are called Daddy's to Bennett. So in other words, he was asking me if I missed my husband. I told him yes. I asked him if he missed his Daddy and he told me no, so I asked him if he wanted his Daddy and he said yes. It just made me sick. I was doing so good with eating these past 2 days and now I feel that feeling again. I really can't explain the feeling any better than when you feel like you are going to get sick.

Not to long after the discussion with Bennett, the boys got into a dispute about the game they were playing. Samuel thinks that everyone is always cheating . Then he can't control his hands when his brother says he is not cheating. I had to have a talk with both of the boys, and even had to discipline one them a little more. It sure is tough being the only one that is raising these kids. Ya know, when Aaron was around I didn't have this many problems with them getting along. I know that they all are going to go through the grieving process but, what do you call being normal everyday sibling stuff and when do you say, that is going on because of the situation that we are in? Samuel is so angry at Chandler all of the time and I see Chandler getting angry at me just for asking him to do normal everyday stuff. I want to help them so bad but I don't know how to go about it. I think that when I get back home I am going to look into going to a counselor, so that we can all work through this together. It is so hard to know what to say and what not to say and what to do and not to do.