I went to the clinic today to be seen to see if I needed to go and see a psychologist. She suggested that I just go and talk to a counselor for right now and they would suggest going to someone else if I need it. So she seems to think that I am just going through the normal grieving process. Yeah...I'm not crazy as of right now!! I then spoke with her about Samuel and she said that I needed to get him in ASAP. I already knew that but just needed the contact info for him. We have an apt on Monday afternoon. I might even take Chandler with me as well.
Sometimes I feel as though I need to separate myself from others until we all are done grieving. But will we ever be done grieving? And how long will that take? Months years decades? I can't see the end. Aaron wanted me to enjoy my life, but it doesn't seem possible at times. Many say it will get better over time and yes that is true to an extent. It will be easier to talk about Aaron with out crying, sniffling, or tearing up but the pain will never completely go away.
Through all of this we still need to praise the creator of Heaven and earth for everything he has done and will continue to do. What a roller coaster we all are on. For some of us the ride is steeper and longer. No matter which grieving roller coaster ride you are on remember that Jesus is beside us every minute of everyday. I am trying so hard to enjoy every minute that he has given me, but it is still hard. I have found it easier to be surrounded by my Christian brothers and sisters and by listening to Christian music. I find myself drawn to certain songs. All I do is sit, listen, and praise him...... even through the storm. Christina
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Christina I see the time you wrote your blog God Bless you. I CAN NOT imagine how I would handle all of what your going through I wonder everyone day. and even with Aarons death I know it can happen to anyone anywhere. it even happen to "Aaron" God's diciple for the Lord. I love you and I pray for you all. Hannah has printed out the picture of you 5 in PA. She has it by her bed and prayers for you all. Please know that you are never out of our mind I check on you all the time. thanks for your blog and keeping us posted. Have a blessed weekend Jeanne
Christina,
It's amazing to me how strong you have been through "the storm". As in Luke 8:24, remember The Lord can and will calm the storm. In that verse, He asked the disciples "Where is your faith?". Fortunately, He doesn't have to ask you that same question, because you have consistantly expressed that faith. I'm sure that it's a constant battle to be strong for the kids, and you are a constant source of strength of them. However, remember that it is ok to express weakness. In 2 Corinthians 11:30, Paul boasted of his weakness, and his weakness opened the way for him to experience the superabundant strength of God's grace. I'm not a scholar, but I believe that means that by admitting his weakness, God made him stronger.
I know today is tough day for you and the kids. Just remember that your friends are available if you need them. Later.. RC
Christina,
i just wanted to let you know that I have said a prayer for you at this moment, you are really heavy on my heart. Please know that you and the children are going to be fine with the help of your faith and the love of God. We love you and let the children know that they are being prayed for. have a peaceful night and know that the Lord is walking right by your side. Love Jeanne
Christina,
Where I have been slack in specific prayers for you, tonight I commit to be better. You have put on such a good face in the storm that sometimes I forget what you're going through, and I apologize.
I'm fairly certain that what you and Samuel are experiencing is normal. I had a friend a while back whose father died in the presence of her children, and the kids had similar thoughts for a while. But of course, I believe fully in counseling and Christian companionship. Please don't keep from your friends in the Lord, as we can all lift each other up, but don't be afraid to tell us when to leave you alone, too! (And don't be afraid of the tears or what we'll think!)
Much love and continued, *intensified* prayer,
Christie
Christina,
In preparing to sing at church this Sunday I kept going to this one song "Still I Will Trust You" but could not get through it without the tears. So I decided it would not bring honor to the Lord that way so I'm saving it for a time when the wound is not so tender. But the words are as follows:
I've climbed a mountain, I've walked a valley low. And there's a hand guiding me where to go. So I cannot question when storm clouds come my way , for I have placed my trust in You and You alone.
Chorus:
Still I will trust You
Still I will follow
Still I will listen to Your every calling
While the storm rages on and I can't find my way,
Still I will trust You Lord.
When in my dark hour, You restored my weary soul. You led me to that resting place and made me whole. So I cannot question, though stormy billows roll. My faith is secure, safe is my trust, in You alone. END
Jobs wife said for him to just curse God and die when his storm raged on. His reply was "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Oh how Satan would love to have us deny our faith and turn our back on the God of everlasting love. It was not Him who brought death and pain. Man (Adam and Eve) plunged us into that by their disobedience. So even when the storm rages on, trusting, following and listening to the Lord fulfills Phil.2:13 "for it is God that worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure". We are His instruments to bring about His purpose and that purpose is to bring others to Christ. Our resting place is in the scriptures where the promises of resurrection and "so shall we ever be with the Lord" give us the strength so the unsaved will desire a relationship with Christ and the saved to see that His grace is sufficent in the storm. For a storm will come in everyones life, but are we preparing ? We have to know ahead of time that God will not leave us to be tempted beyond what you can bear (I Cor.10:13). Praise Christ that He counts us worthy of suffering for His purposes !!!
Love Mother
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