the past few days

Sunday...the day of rest. This Sunday was not like any other Sunday before. The sermon was great! That is not what was different. I had to park in the lower parking lot that morning because we were running a little late. So after church we hitched a ride with April to the lower lot so we all wouldn't have to walk the whole way. Ty joked around that we looked like a bunch of Mexicans in the car. Once we all were out I shut the door and got my finger caught in the door. I tried to pull it out but the door was completely shut. I yelled and yelled for someone to open the door, but they thought I was joking about something. Needless to say I was not joking. Once someone, I don't even know who, opened the door my fingernail was already black and blue and the skin was cut and bleeding. It throbbed until the next morning. The only time it didn't hurt was when I took a nap before evening service.

Samuel had not finished his homework over the weekend( a procrastinator just like his dad) so when we got home form church Samuel had to finish his note cards for his report that he is doing on Lincoln. It was about 11Pm and I heard this noise form up stairs. It was Lanie. I went to check on her and she was covered in vomit from head to toe. Sorry you probably didn't need that visual. I put her in the tub and then I had to clean up the stairs and the bed. While I was taking her PJ's off she looked at me and said a real sweet innocent calm voice "I'm sorry Mommy" I told her it was ok it was not her fault at all.

Monday...Chandler woke up with a stomach ache so I let him stay home from school, but I told him that he was to stay in bed so that is what he did. He came down once for something to drink and when he did he threw-up too. I am so thankful that he knows that you go to the bathroom to do that!! That morning I received a call from my sister-in-law, Leah, telling me that Aaron's Grandmother, Grandma Charlotte was going to be able to go home from the hospital. She has been in and out of the hospital for some time now. We were discussing what a fighter she has been though all of her illnesses. Later that afternoon I received another call from Leah saying that Grandma Charlotte went to her Heavenly Home!! She is in no more pain and is rejoicing in Heaven with Aaron! We all will miss her deeply!! Check out Leah's site to find out more info(I'm sure she will be posting more than I can)

When I woke today I didn't want to get out of bed, but I knew that I had to for my children. They need their Mom! I know that I can do all things through Christ which strentghens me! Philippians 4:13


The kids all went to school and I put the 6 loads of laundry away that I had washed and folded the day before. I was trying to get the house picked up for a Pampered chef show that I am having tonight. Then I went to my counseling session and to the church and spoke to a few friends there before the kids got out of school. I also had went to tell our pastor that ever since he had spoke with Samuel he seems to be taking, accepting, or allowing things to be better.

On the way home today there were some military men on the side of the road waving everyone to get over and to slow down. I wasn't sure why but once I crested the top of the over pass a looked to my right I understood why they were doing that. There had been an accident. They stopped traffic and I was the 3rd car that got stopped. Once I stopped I looked over and there was a gentleman laying on the side of the road and his motorcycle was not to far from him. Needless to say....I lost it!! The ambulance pulled up while I was sitting there. I have no idea how bad the accident was but any motorcycle accident is not good. I prayed and prayed for him and the family that will be affected by the pain of the accident. Please keep this family in your prayers as well as me...I can't help to think that the Lord had me see this for some reason. Weather it to be an encouragement, a witness to the family, to be diligent in prayer for him or even just to let my emotions go and to learn to let the grief flow when it comes on.
Always looking up!!! ~ Christina~

No Plans this weekend..Right!

We didn't really have any plans for this weekend besides to go to a birthday party at the skating rink on Sat. Friday night we played the Wii and babysat for Brandy and Chris so that they could go and have a relaxing dinner by themselves.

Saturday I slept in....If you call sleeping off and on from 6:30 till 8 sleeping in. We got up took a friend some medicine for his baby and then went to the skating rink.

Once we got there I helped Chandler, Lanie and Bennett with their skates. Lanie took a few stomps around the refreshment area and decided skating was not going to be for her today, so off came the skates.

Here are the 5 of us after being there for 3 hours. I don't know who was more tired them or me?

This is where Lanie hung out most of the time unless she was eating something then she was in the refreshment area.

Chase and Bennett, Chase is Samuel's friend from church that happened to show up with a few of his friends. His mom took these pictures for me. Thanks Stacy!

Samuel

Chandler....look closely at his hair. Right before we left the rink they had the skating races. Chandler had already taken off his skates but they let him run with the boys that had skates on. Needless to say he smoked them barefoot and all!! He sure is a fast runner. Like his Daddy!

Here is Bennett in the rink....he got mad when I went out there to help him so I stayed off of the floor and let him do his own thing.

Here he is trying to get up. Every time he would fall he would just get back up all by himself like a big boy. You have to remember he is only 2.
I think this might have been after he bumped his head. He had to come over and tell me what happened and where.

I love this picture.

I think he had just stepped up on to the platform and he was catching his balance.

They all had so much fun at the skating rink today and it took my mind off of everything!! It was very nice and relaxing to go, which was surprising. For us to go anywhere it seems to take it all out of me. God knew I needed to have a good time. He showed me that I am able to do this by myself if necessary. I am so glad that I have him to lean upon and count on each and everyday!

Always looking up ~Christina~

One night this week in the life of the McCoy household

One evening the boys were playing the Wii while I was trying to vacuum the living room and they had accidentally knocked down the Wii chargers and controls behind the TV. I told them that they were going to have to figure out how to get the remotes from behind the TV on their own because I was trying to get the floor vacuumed.

Well from the pictures it looked as though they came up with this plan 1st...wrong. They wanted to cut a hole in the back of my cabinet to get the controls out. Samuel went and got a steak knife out to do it with. Fortunately I saw him trying to do that and I stopped that right away.

Then they came up with the bright idea to have Chandler climb up on the TV and to reach down and grab the things that had fallen. What you don't see in this picture is the stool that Chandler climbed up there on.

Here Samuel is trying to guide Chandler down to the stool. They did a very good job and they worked together with out getting upset with one another. They gave each other a high five and encouraged each other. Great teamwork!!

With each little thing that happens in our life(even being team players) we can use to teach our children to be more like Jesus.
Bennett flying the spaceship around the house while the Wii incident was going on.

The vacuum and the trash can....one reason you would see this picture in our house is because the vacuum must have been clogged. Give the lady a gold star she is right. I pulled out a small kitten out of that thing...gross!!!

Manic Mondays & Terrific Tuesdays

Monday.....a day in which seems to be almost exactly the same in the McCoy household. We take the boys to school, go to the gym, come home and pick up the mess from the weekend. Then I get the laundry started but not finished, that happens on Tuesdays. Then the little kids take naps and Mom gets to focus a little on herself. We then pick up the big boys from school, get dinner going, help with homework and eat dinner. By 5PM we are off to take Lanie to dance class. Durring dance Bennett and Chandler get to watch a movie in the car(gotta love those DVD players) and Samuel and I get to tackle more homework. After dance we go home and get baths and showers and get things ready for school the next day. At this point Samuel is usually still doing homework. (poor boy, but he does bring it uppon all by himself) Monday nights are a very early bed night for me I am usually in bed by 9 on Mondays.

Tuesday.....All of my Tuesdays vary. The kids all go to school but what and how I spend my day is different each week. Today I had to go to the store(2 of them), the bank, the dentist(to get information on becoming a hygentist), the pre-school for Bennett for next year so that I can go back to school and finish my degree, the library(because we forgot to go this this past weekend to get a book on Lincoln for Samuels report), the school(to take Samuel the book and while I was there I ate lunch with him), then I went and met a friend for coffee and went and had my hair done. This was all before 1:00 today. Tuesday nights I have claimed as early bed nights for the kids, because Monday is a late night for them and Tuesdays the little kids barely get a nap so they are ready to go to bed by 7. Well today is not over, but nothing is planned besides watching American Idol tonight.

roller coaster ride

Not much to post today. I just can't sleep so I thought that I might get on here and type a little. Samuel has had a better couple of days. Tonight was a little rough for him though. I think it is because I had a rough day emotionally. I can't actually pinpoint what triggered today's emotional roller coaster ........ I soooooo wish I could...then maybe it wouldn't take me for such a ride. These days creep up on me like a theif in the night. Just like how Jesus will be some day so we need to be ready and prepared for his return. At times I sooooo wish I could get off this roller-coaster ride but I know that through this time in my life God is using it to make others(including myself) closer and stronger in their walk and love for HIM.

The kids did thoroughly enjoy the Wii this weekend. It makes me so happy to see them being kids and having fun! They made Mii's for our whole family including one for Aaron. For those of you who are not familiar with game systems this is where you can customize your own character and make it just like you want.

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed week....continue looking up!! Christina

Flowers

Here are the roses that my boys got me for Valentines Day.

I was so surprized. I love getting flowers!

Pictures of Adams visit

Here a few pictures that I had taken when Aaron's brother Adam came in town for the day last week. Sorry there are not more and that I am now just posting them.



Bennett finally warmed up to get on Uncle Adams lap for this picture. The dog in the picture is Adam's dog Cookie that he takes with him on the road for protection. HAHA

We made it through

Well, I made it through one of the days that I thought would be the toughest since Aaron's death. I knew I would but, I wasn't sure how emotional it would be. We all got up this morning and wished each other a Happy Valentines day. The big boys went off to school while the little kids and I got ready for for us to go to school. After I dropped them off I went for some retail therapy. It is always nice to go to the store just to browse. I then met a friend for lunch and went home and relaxed a little before I picked the little kids up. Then we ran a couple of errands and talked with a friend in the car line while waiting for the boys. After getting home I helped them with their homework while the little ones ate every stitch of candy they got from their valentines parties. Samuel and I had another heart to heart talk this after noon. I had to call Leah to get things off of my chest. Please continue to pray for him he is having the roughest time of us all right now. I beleive him being so emotional is actually taking my mind off of missing Aaron so much.
Someone from the squadron brought dinner tonight to us all cooked and ready. It tasted so good!! On top of that, I didn't have to cook on Valentines day. After dinner I opened up the barber shop, that is what Aaron use to call it when I would cut the boys hair. Chandler was 1st. Poor boy, he seems to always be the one who goes 1st. I think it might be because he is so quick at everything that he does. Then was Bennett's turn, Lanie's and last Samuel's. Bennett took a shower with Samuel(Bennett loved taking a shower with Aaron) while I bathed Lanie. Chandler was already done and out of the shower by then. We called it an early night because they have been having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning lately. They were all asleep by 8.
After they were in LaLa land I did some laundry, hooked up the Wii, (it wasn't hard) and gave myself a pedicure(I love getting pedicures). Overall, I have had a very nice day. There were many times I thought about Aaron and the past Valentines that we had had together...Memories...they can never be taken away!!
I want to thank all of you who texed, called and even stopped by to make me feel special today!! My friends are near and dear to my heart.

Celebration of Love

Valentines Day.......I always remember it as a time when Aaron and I would celebrate our love for each other. He would send me flowers, or even go and pick them and bring them home, but the thing that I cherished the most was the card that he would always have for me on that morning. I knew that it meant so much because he would spend hours trying to find that perfect card. Needless to say, they were never perfect enough for him, so he would always write something personal in it because he always had something else to add (his Mom taught him this). I loved this part of the card because then I knew that it came from his heart. In the evening of Valentine's day we would go out to dinner, take walks on the beach, go see a movie, go shopping, or even have a quiet evening at home.

Sometimes we were together for the "celebration" and sometimes he was over in the sandbox, but no matter if we were together or apart we always made each other feel extra special on this day. Now that he is no longer with me in a physical presence he is still definatly in my heart. This Valentines day will be different that is for sure, but I know that the Love that I have for Christ and the Love that Christ has for me dosen't compare to the "love" celebration that will be going on tomorrow around the world. If only everyone would understand how Christ feels about us individually, things would be so much different in this world that we live in.
John 15 verse 12-13 Jesus tells the deciples that HIS command is to love each other as HE has loved them. He loved them so much that HE would lay his life down for them as HE did for them and for us!!! That is the ultimate sacrifice!!

For those of you who read my blog and who are single hold your head up high because Christ has you in that place of your life for a reason. He might want you to focus on loving him 1st completely before he gives you someone to love.

Keep looing up!!!

Tuesday's Therapy

Today was my 1st therapy appt. by myself. It went very well. The 1st thing we discussed was the talk that my pastor and I had this morning. I was able to share my faith with her, and where I am spirtually. :)

She assured me that everything that I am going through at this point in my life is perfectly normal for a greiving spouse. Expecially to be a greiving spouse so unexpectedly and to be one at such a young age. The lonliness, the desire for others to be a part of my life, the uncertainty, the acceptance, these are all destractions. They are all very normal for a greiving spouse. The destractions in others eyes might not necessarily be healthy distractions but they are all in fact destractions. I realize that some of the distractions that I have had have not been wise choices on my part. Even though I wasn't doing anything wrong the potential for Satan to work his way into my life could have been there. It didn't take me talking to anybody to realize this, that happened all on my own. Or shall I say it happened with a big smack down by God, a couple of weeks ago.

Its amazing how his word speaks to us each and every day, as long as you are constantly in his word and in prayer. Thank God that I have the love for the Lord that I do and that I know who to turn to in times of weekness and dispair. I'm so glad that I have my faith! I couldn't imagine going through this without being firmly planted on The Solid Rock that I stand!!

She did give me some suggestions and I am going to try to do those things. Overall, the talk was a good one. I cried, I laughed...how is that possible to do in a therapy session? I'm not to sure, but it was done!!

Samuel and Chandler both get to talk with her tomorrow. I'm curious as to what Chandler is going to say because he dosen't say to much about his feelings.

Still Looking up!!!!

Another day.... another blog

The past couple of days I have been trying to spend some one on one time with each of my kids. Yesterday Samuel and I had an amazing conversation. Today we did as well. It wasn't as long todaybut it was definately more powerful. Samuel told me today that he has not been trusting God to guide us through our loss and that he wants to do that now. He also said that he didn't know how to do that. So I proceeded to tell him that he needed to lay it down at the altar(to give it all to God) and trust that he will take care of us, like I have.

Always looking up ~Christina~

My Visitor

Monday I had a nice surprize visitor come and see me for the day. Let me clear the air...It was Aaron's brother Adam who came to visit us. We had a great time together. The little kids were able to spend the day with him playing. He also did some manly things around the house that needed taken care of, like mowing the grass, cleaning the pool, and he even washed my car for me. It was so nice having a male around to do all of those things for me. After the big kids came home from school Lanie went to dance and Bennett went to a friends so the big boys were able to spend some time with him talking and catching up. We were even able to go out to dinner together. After the evening was over I took him back to his home away from home. I was sad to see him go.

In case you read this Adam while you are out on the road, it was nice for the kids and myself to visit with someone from Aaron's side of the family. You are a great Brother, Aaron loved you very much...He was always so excited to get the phone calls from you when you were out on the road. When he retired from the military he wanted to do the same thing that you do now. Cruise the country in an 18 wheeler. He sure did love to travel and go see differnent sights.

anonymous commenter

To my anonymous commenter on Fabulous Fridays:

When every aspect of your life is stripped away things tend to be in an uproar. You do not live with me as no one does....no one sees all of the hurt, pain, the greiving, and the everyday life stuff that I have to go through ALONE. I spend lots of time with my kids!!! I do deserve to have my time too. Just imagine your spouse being gone for 4 months.....there is nothing....no holding, no talking, no encouraging words, nothing to look forward to, no going places with them, then throw on top of that having no family around and 4 children to take care of by myself, there is not even any bickering or arguing. If I spend some time with someone and if it be with a friend that happens to be a male then so be it....I am in NO WAY dating ANYONE and will NOT until I know that the time is right.

NOBODY knows how I am feeling at all. I am doing the best that I can with the Lords help.....I have never forgotten him through this storm. He has been my focus the whole time and that is why I am doing so well with it all. I am around the kids
24-7. I don't get any type of break. I have to do it all!! That does get very frustrating. I did not sign up to raise my children alone and I did nothing to deserve this. I am doing all that I can and that I know how.

I appriciate that you are trying to help but right now I need your support. I need to surround myself with people who are going to help me not put me down. We have a long hard road ahead of us and I know where to go to look for guidance and direction. Others (like yourself) are going to have their opinions weather it be good or bad, but they don't know what we are going through. I can not please eveyone and nor will I try to please them either. I will take the advice that is given and seek the Lord's guidance like I always do.

There is nothing that anyone can do to fix what has happened and no one understands at ALL!! I beleive that I am handling it with the Grace of God the best way I can. I am not neglecting my children in any way.

In the future if you have an OPINION please keep it to yourself unless it is encouraging to me and my family. Unless that is if you decide NOT to be a coward and sign your comment.

Fabulous friday

Fridays are refered to as TGIF or Thank God Its Friday. It didn't feel like that for me today. As soon as I got up this morning I had a migrane, what a perfect way to start the day...WRONG!! The boys got off to school and were late, I layed on the couch while the little kids layed with me( I love it when they do that, because I love to snuggle). I decided that I needed to get up and try to get a little put together for the day because I had company come in from out of town. After an hour and a half bath, I didn't feel much better but I did go ahead and pull myself together. After arriving back at home I made the kids lunch and put them down for a nap. I slept when they slept in hopes of getting rid of the migrane that I stared the day with and it worked or maybe it was prayer. Im sure it was both!! After getting up I took the little kids to Kristen's so that I could pick Samuel up for his therapy appt. That went well!! He opened up and she gave him some suggestions. He told me that she told him alot of the same things that I have been telling him. Way to go mom!! Sorry a little pat on the back....Aaron would have encouraged me like that.

We had planned on going to the Winter Jam, which is a christian concert with lots of different bands, this evening. But, we didn't get there until 7PM that is when it started and what do you know it was totally sold out. We were trying to get there at 6Pm but one of our friends that we went with made us late...but I forgive her (or over look it) because I am a good friend. :) We decided to leave and go to dinner and a comedy show. We had a great time. So, even though we didn't get to go to the concert we still ahd a great time!! My cheeks hurt so much from laughing. While I was out Chandler went to the Hannah Montana movie concert, Samuel went to a razorbacks Basket Ball game, and the little kids went to McDonalds and were able to play in the playplace there. I sure hope that they all decide that they want to sleep in in the morning, because their Mommy is going to need to!