To my anonymous commenter on Fabulous Fridays:
When every aspect of your life is stripped away things tend to be in an uproar. You do not live with me as no one does....no one sees all of the hurt, pain, the greiving, and the everyday life stuff that I have to go through ALONE. I spend lots of time with my kids!!! I do deserve to have my time too. Just imagine your spouse being gone for 4 months.....there is nothing....no holding, no talking, no encouraging words, nothing to look forward to, no going places with them, then throw on top of that having no family around and 4 children to take care of by myself, there is not even any bickering or arguing. If I spend some time with someone and if it be with a friend that happens to be a male then so be it....I am in NO WAY dating ANYONE and will NOT until I know that the time is right.
NOBODY knows how I am feeling at all. I am doing the best that I can with the Lords help.....I have never forgotten him through this storm. He has been my focus the whole time and that is why I am doing so well with it all. I am around the kids
24-7. I don't get any type of break. I have to do it all!! That does get very frustrating. I did not sign up to raise my children alone and I did nothing to deserve this. I am doing all that I can and that I know how.
I appriciate that you are trying to help but right now I need your support. I need to surround myself with people who are going to help me not put me down. We have a long hard road ahead of us and I know where to go to look for guidance and direction. Others (like yourself) are going to have their opinions weather it be good or bad, but they don't know what we are going through. I can not please eveyone and nor will I try to please them either. I will take the advice that is given and seek the Lord's guidance like I always do.
There is nothing that anyone can do to fix what has happened and no one understands at ALL!! I beleive that I am handling it with the Grace of God the best way I can. I am not neglecting my children in any way.
In the future if you have an OPINION please keep it to yourself unless it is encouraging to me and my family. Unless that is if you decide NOT to be a coward and sign your comment.
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9 comments:
There is an often quoted proverb which states that you can please some of the people, some of the time, but you can't please all of the people, all of the time.
This insight is by no means a new one. Over 2500 years ago, the famous Greek slave Aesop illustrated this point in his fable "The Miller, the Son, and the Donkey."
The story is about a miller and his son who were driving their donkey to market. They had not gone far when some girls saw them and broke out laughing. "Look!" they cried. "Look at those fools! How silly they are to be trudging along on foot when the donkey might be carrying one of them on his back."
This seemed to make sense, so the father lifted his son onto the donkey and walked along contentedly by his side. They trod on for a while until they met an old man who spoke to the son scornfully. "You should be ashamed of yourself, you lazy rascal. What do you mean by riding when your poor old father has to walk? It shows that no one respects age anymore. The least you can do is get down and let your father rest his old bones." Red faced with shame, the son got down and made his father get onto the donkey's back.
They had gone only a little further when they met a group of young fellows who mocked them. "What a cruel old man!" jeered one of the fellows. "There he sits, selfish and comfortable, while the poor boy has to stumble along the dusty road to keep up with him."
So the father lifted his son up, and the two of them rode along. However, before they reached the market, a townsman stopped them. "Have you no feeling for dumb creatures?" he shouted. "The way you load that little animal is a crime. You two men are better able to carry the poor little beast than he you!"
Wanting to do the right thing, the miller and his son got off the donkey, tied his legs together, slung him on a pole, and carried him on their shoulders. When people saw this spectacle, they laughed so loudly that the donkey was frightened. The animal kicked through the cords that bound him, fell off the pole into the river and drowned.
The moral of this story is, "He who tries to please everybody pleases nobody."
I'm sorry.
Kristin said it so well! We are not here for the pleasing of others....but to please our Heavenly Father. Do what you feel the Lord is leading you to do...listen to his sutle promptings as he speaks to you and you will be living in His plan for you. I believe God places people in our lives for a reason, either to learn and grow from them or for us to be the example/teacher in the relationship. During this time since the loss of Aaron, God has placed many "new" people in your life. New friends/ acquaintances are always a blessing if they are placed there with God's hand on the situation.It is up to you to pray fervently for Gods will and listen closely for His answer to guide your path. I know that you go to God for guidance, strenth, comfort, peace, and wisdom....leave Him in the equation and He won't steer you in the wrong direction!
With all of that said. I am in awe of the strenth that you have to cope. Many of us, at our age, could have ever imagined losing our spouse or even a friend until the loss of Aaron. You are showing amazing courage and grace through a terrible situation. None of us can predict how we would react if we were placed in your shoes. Know that I love you and am ALWAYS here for you (in FL)
:( anytime night or day to listen, laugh, cry or give advise (you know I always have an opinion :)
Remembering Jeremiah 29:11
Rhonda
Christina,
In the past, I have commented on some of your postings and left the comments with my initials on it. Sometimes I have left the comments anonymously. I believe that (maybe with the exception of one) you always knew that it was from me. Either way, the comments were always meant to be left with a positive spin on your posting. When I read the comment from another anonymous person, I was really disappointed. That person obviously does not know much about you and all your family is going through. To leave a comment like that would be bad enough if sent on your best day. But with all that you had going on yesterday and with some of the things you were dealing with yestereday, it just makes it worse.
Just for the record, I don't always agree with everything you do. But it's none of my business! You have consistently shown your desire to let God guide your decisions. None of us should 2nd guess that. Now, if we see you doing something stupid, believe me we'll tell you. But hopefully in a more tactful and caring way. You know that even with the best intentions, we sometimes do things that aren't always taken the same way they are intended. In this case, I hope the anonymous opinionator will do more than say they are sorry on another comment. Hopefully they will tell you in person in order to really clear the air.
None of us can come close to understanding what you and the kids have been through and what you'll be facing in the future. However, if we are true friends, we will understand that you are learning new things and you are on a path that you didn't choose for yourself. Because of that, curves, potholes, speedbumps, and crazy drivers are expected. There's going to be some road rage along the way. The other "not so crazy" drivers who are behind you will just have to understand that you learning the path as you go.
I know this will be a hard week. Just know that your friends care a lot about you and and the kids. We will be here, so call if you need us.
Later,
rc
Oh, Christina! I think I'm going to send you my perpetual calender. It is amazing how many times I've read your blog, and the comments for that day just fit so perfectly. Feruary 4th says, "Criticism challenges it-adventure arouses it-danger incites it-threats quicken it. "COURAGE"-another word for inner strength, presence of mind against odds, determination to hang in there, to venture, persevere, withstand hardship.(Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life,pp.542-543). And the verse, Philippians 1:20 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient "courage" so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. ---The courage you have shown in the last 4 months is amazing! I could never imagine even making it to this point, let alone facing another day. I know it would only be by the grace of God. The Lord has placed in your life so many wonderful people, males included. And I pray they will continue to encourage and support you...It is so hard for me not to be able to be there with you...but, the Lord already had that planned when you and Aaron moved there. You know our hearts and that we know there will never be another man that will ever be just like Aaron. However, again, our timing and Gods timing is never the same. No one has the right to sit in judgement of your decision- of who or when you will decide to date. So you should never have to make an excuse for spending time with "any one"! Our job as your family and friends should be, as always, to continue to pray for your discernment in this and other areas. I Love You, and do continue to pray for you...NO BABY YET! Amy
C'mon Christina, who cares if someone says something anonymously. It is better to be anonymous than ambiguous I always say. I think we're all taking a comment that someone meant for good and trying to make them seem like a jerk. True, a blog isn't really the way to address a serious concern to someone, since everyone can read it and that's not the biblical way of doing things-- but it happened. I think we all are guilty of trying to advise someone what we think is best (maybe even feel a conviction to tell them) and it's backfired. Let's be adults. Of course this is the girl that sold her friends out for a concert. But really, give peace a chance.
I guess I would say that the most important thing here is to uplift the one that we care about and that is Christina. I believe that she does not need a pointing finger to try to make her feel bad. She needs love and encouragement. There is not one of us that has made decisions in our lives that others may not agree with, but, they are our decisions.
I have not seen a stronger woman in her faith than Christina and I don't believe she has ever compromised what God would have her do.
Losing Aaron has been tough on her and not only is she dealing with that emotionally, she is raising the children by herself which is not an easy task. She has a range of ages that are hard enough to deal with right now. On top of that, one pulling at her leg, another needing something to eat, one not happy about this or that, having to help with homework and all of the other things that have to be done around the house just to keep it going can be very stressful and exhausting.
The bible tells us we are to spur one another on towards love and good deeds....She is doing the best that she can and I commend her for the great job I believe she is doing. We need to stand beside her, helping every step of the way!
I believe Christina knows that her help comes from the Lord and she is fully trusting in Him to bring her through this time of her life. She is human and is going to get discouraged from time to time and it is our job as her loved ones and friends to love on her and support her and that is what I intend on doing....does anyone want to help?
Let us all remember that old rule..."If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." ;)
My favorite modern version is, "Just because something crosses your mind doesn't mean it has to cross your lips." Or your keyboard, I guess.
Of course, Joe and I love books, and one that comes to mind is "Silver Boxes" by Florence Littauer. The idea is that all our comments should be like little gift boxes to each other, based on Eph. 4:29:
"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."
All that said, I hope the anonymous commenter is not just seething in guilt now (I see that he/she has apologized). We all slip and say stuff we regret.
Christina, I don't even know enough about you right now to make any judgments if I wanted to, which of course I don't want to! We never got to know each other the way I would like. Both of our lives are crazy enough right now where that doesn't seem to be happening! But know you're always in our prayers and I hope that over time we can get to know each other better.
Much love,
Christie
P.S. Hope you're feeling better today.
Christina, you are one of the bravest women I could ever know. Believe me, I'm not saying I KNOW you the way your friends do. But I see you with your children. I see how much they mean to you. And I see how much your heart aches when someone does not treat them the way you would want them to. Your children are your priority and you show that every day. You love on them, holler at them, and let them know you are their biggest supporters in everything they do. Anyone that has listened to you talk with them, to them and about them KNOWS your heart. You make wise decisions. And your babies are the results of those decisions. I am far from the perfect mother. But we both become 'the protective mother bear who only wants whats best for her cubs'. And I see that in you each time I've seen you, especially since Aaron has died. You can only do so much. But you are doing a great job. Don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm sure people mean well, but sometimes their words and what they mean may not come out right. I can only hope that 'anonymous' just hasn't taken the time to truly see what your family means to you. Or they would not have said it. When you are ready to take that step and God is leading, you will find someone who will be there with open arms. I have no doubt about that. Your heart is too big to not share that with someone else in the future. I'm sorry about Brady and Samuel's disagreement. Maybe in time, their personalities will allow them both to become good friends one day. But, in the mean time, as long as they don't bean each other in the head with a dodge ball, maybe they'll have some hope. hahaha...I do apologize for hurting your feelings, and if I hurt Samuel's please tell him I apologize. It was never my intention. He is a beautiful young man, and as these boys get older, we will have more to be concerned with than them smackin the crap out of each other,............like girls and dating...........ewwww, I so don't even want to go there yet. Anyhow, I haven't even been on blogspot for months now. My procrastination has gotten the best of me. But I was tore up the other day over our conversation and I wanted to let you know.....please forgive me. Have a wonderful weekend. P.S. We sold our rental!
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