What makes a good friend?
LOYALTY
It seems that nothing matters more than being true. Good friends keep their promises, they don't tell your secrets to other people, and they don't desert you, even when you are in trouble. Loyal friends not only lend a hand when you are in need, they applaud your successes and cheer you on without envy when you prosper.
FORGIVENESS
Every friend that you will ever have will disappoint you. The wisdom of Proverbs warns that the wounds of a friend are faithful. What that means is that not everything needs to be forgiven but that somethings need overlooked and forgotten. Don't forget forgiveness is a 2-way street. Unless you are a saint you are bound to offend, intentionally or unintentionally. The friends that we keep the longest are those who forgive and overlook the most.
HONESTY
Genuine friendship cannont exist where one of the people is unwilling to hear the truth. Does this mean brutal honesty? not really. Telling the truth requires honesty carefully delt in the context of respect. If the respect is not there then the honesty can be a lethal weapon. Honesty also means being authentic. Be yourself, don't try to be just like your friend.
DEDICATION
The defining mark of dedication is sacrifice. Nothing speaks more loudly than an action of selflessness. It is work to keep any type of relationship alive. I beleive that friendships are the hardest. We blame not doing things for each other on busy schedules, deadlines, or even distance. but the reality is that friendships wither because of one thing...lack of dedication. Personal sacrafice, selfless devotion, and commitment are the noble qualities that dedication requires.
As you contemplate this list, consider how well you provide these qualities to your friends. You may neglect your intimate friends from time to time, but if you fail to cultivate the qualities of loyalty, forgiveness, honesty, and dedication then you can't expect to keep true friends for long.
Phil. 2:4 says, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."
Eph. 4:32 Paul writes, "Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." He is the example that we strive daily to emulate!
always looking up ~Christina~
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Samuel
This blog is to inform everyone to pray for Samuel!! He is having a very hard time in school. the kids are picking on him, he says the teacher won't answer his questions, and therefore he doesn't want to go any more. He wants to go to a different school altogether, so he tells me. His grades are dropping rapidly. He is having a hard time concentrating on anything else besides what happened to Aaron. All of the conversations that he starts with me involve questions about Aaron's death. He is mind is totally consumed with it. I feel that is why he is having a hard time in school right now. The only thing I know to do at this point is to get everyone involved to pray for him. Thank you, Christina
Sunday, January 27, 2008
playin catch-up
Friday.....lets see, what did we do Friday? Humm it really wasn't that long ago but, it seems like the days just get away from me. Ok so back to Friday....We went to the Gym then came home and did some things around the house, showered, took the boys McDonald's for lunch( I try to do this every once in a while), came home and took a nap. Friday night the boys went with Richard to the Monster truck jam, while Lanie and Bennett and I stayed home. Thanks for taking them Richard they had a blast!! I didn't mind staying home at all. I haven't wanted to go anywhere or do to much lately. Plus, there was an Ice storm south of Little Rock so I really didn't want to venture out in that mess.
Saturday...I slept in till nine. YEA!!! I say "I" slept in because all 4 kids were up and playing together. It is nice that they all get along(sometimes) so that I can get some rest. I really wasn't tired I was just having a day where I wanted to just lay in bed. I finally decided that I better get up and spend some time with the kids so I did. We didn't do to much though. Played around and watched a little TV, that's about all. At nap time Richard came over to get the boys to take them to use their gift cards that they got for Christmas from my friend Rhonda. Once they left the little ones went down for a nap and so did I, go figure. I said it was a weekend. They got back pretty late and brought pizza home with them so I didn't have to cook yet again. Boy am I getting spoiled. I hope I remember how to cook once I decide I want to again. We didn't do anything that evening but hung out.
I did receive a call from Aaron's brother saying that he was coming through Little Rock for a delivery that he has to make in Texas for Monday morning. He was trying to get here to visit with us but a truck that he was running with ended up slipping into a ditch and they spent hours trying to get him out. Needless to say they didn't make to LR until 5AM. He was going to try to go to church with us but the person that he was running a load with wanted to be at their destination by dark and to do that they were going to have to leave around 11AM. So we did not get to see Adam this time. He is going to try to stop when he passes through on his way back. That will probably be Wednesday. I pray that he will be able to do that. The kids are wanting to see him bad.
Sunday....This Sunday was almost like any other Sunday for us lately. Get up, eat, get ready, go to Sunday school then church, go to lunch, come home take naps( Lanie Bennett and me that is, the boys do homework, watch TV or play games), get up again, get ready again, go to choir, go to church, come home, eat dinner(I actually cooked tonight), get ready for bed and go to sleep.
So there are the last 3 days in a nutshell....not to exciting but we enjoyed ourselves(at least I did). After this weekend I am ready to go out and hang with my friends!!! So ladies and/or gentlemen, lets put something together!! Friday night is the Winter jam, maybe we can meet for dinner before the concert or go after the concert? If your up for it let me know!!
Saturday...I slept in till nine. YEA!!! I say "I" slept in because all 4 kids were up and playing together. It is nice that they all get along(sometimes) so that I can get some rest. I really wasn't tired I was just having a day where I wanted to just lay in bed. I finally decided that I better get up and spend some time with the kids so I did. We didn't do to much though. Played around and watched a little TV, that's about all. At nap time Richard came over to get the boys to take them to use their gift cards that they got for Christmas from my friend Rhonda. Once they left the little ones went down for a nap and so did I, go figure. I said it was a weekend. They got back pretty late and brought pizza home with them so I didn't have to cook yet again. Boy am I getting spoiled. I hope I remember how to cook once I decide I want to again. We didn't do anything that evening but hung out.
I did receive a call from Aaron's brother saying that he was coming through Little Rock for a delivery that he has to make in Texas for Monday morning. He was trying to get here to visit with us but a truck that he was running with ended up slipping into a ditch and they spent hours trying to get him out. Needless to say they didn't make to LR until 5AM. He was going to try to go to church with us but the person that he was running a load with wanted to be at their destination by dark and to do that they were going to have to leave around 11AM. So we did not get to see Adam this time. He is going to try to stop when he passes through on his way back. That will probably be Wednesday. I pray that he will be able to do that. The kids are wanting to see him bad.
Sunday....This Sunday was almost like any other Sunday for us lately. Get up, eat, get ready, go to Sunday school then church, go to lunch, come home take naps( Lanie Bennett and me that is, the boys do homework, watch TV or play games), get up again, get ready again, go to choir, go to church, come home, eat dinner(I actually cooked tonight), get ready for bed and go to sleep.
So there are the last 3 days in a nutshell....not to exciting but we enjoyed ourselves(at least I did). After this weekend I am ready to go out and hang with my friends!!! So ladies and/or gentlemen, lets put something together!! Friday night is the Winter jam, maybe we can meet for dinner before the concert or go after the concert? If your up for it let me know!!
Friday, January 25, 2008
challengeful situations
I don't really feel like writing much tonight. I have had a lot on my mind today and realize that things could in fact be worse. I am not saying that what has happened isn't bad because what has happened in our family was a terrible tragedy. I am just saying that it could be worse!! If you look at the good in things it is hard to focus on the bad. I keep looking at scripture for my strength and guidance. There is nothing I can do nor, is there anything that anyone else can do or say that can change what has happened.
In ANY situation moving on can be a challenge. We ALL have something in our lives that we are going through that is painful. Our pastor says....either you are coming out of a valley, going through the valley or you are about to be in the valley. (that is not a direct quote, but it is close to what he says)
While our tears still may come and the "why's" still find their way to our lips, our faith and hope for the future that God has planed for us can be the firm footing that we need to go forward.
Whatever you are going through remember to focus on what God wants you to do with that situation and he will help you move on.
I guess I had alot to say tonight anyways, Christina
In ANY situation moving on can be a challenge. We ALL have something in our lives that we are going through that is painful. Our pastor says....either you are coming out of a valley, going through the valley or you are about to be in the valley. (that is not a direct quote, but it is close to what he says)
While our tears still may come and the "why's" still find their way to our lips, our faith and hope for the future that God has planed for us can be the firm footing that we need to go forward.
Whatever you are going through remember to focus on what God wants you to do with that situation and he will help you move on.
I guess I had alot to say tonight anyways, Christina
Thursday, January 24, 2008
past experiences/new experiences
Yesterday I did something that I hadn't done since I was a teenager. I had pictures taken of me...yes just me. It was nice to have a photo shoot just for myself. (no I will not be posting them.... they were done for me) I had a friend take the pictures. It was something that I have wanted to do for a very long time. I think I might even have some professionally done some time soon. (those I will post if I end up doing it) I have always wanted to do that sinse I was very young but never thought I was pretty enough or thin enough. Now I know that it really doesn't matter because if the photographer is good enough they can put you in all different types of poses to make you look amazing.
Another thing that I'm wanting to do again is to play the piano. When I was a kid I think I went to 2 lessons. My grandmother always said I have piano hands and that I should learn how to play. I guess that meant that I have either big hands or long fingers. I have always wanted to go back and take lessons but, I always had an excuse why not to go. I am done making excuses and are willing and wanting to learn how to play the piano well.
Aaron and I had sang a song together before I had neck surgery back in 99'. Along with the piano lessons I am planning on taking vocal lessons too. My reason for doing this is because when I had the neck surgery they had to cut one of my vocal chords to remove a tumor that was around it. For 3 months I could not talk at all. It was not fun, just imagine trying to talk to a 9 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. For anyone to hear me I would have to lean into their ear and whisper. I have never fully received my original voice back. If you listen close you can hear a slight rasp. Taking these lessons will be a brand new experience for me because I have never done this before.
In the past I would have absolutely not drank coffee of any kind. I couldn't even stand the smell of it........now I find myself wanting coffee almost everyday. But not just plain coffee. I like going to Starbucks to get a peppermint white chocolate mocha while sitting with a book or a friend to chat with.
Not to sure where I wanted to go with this today except that I did a few of these things the last few days and boy did they make me feel great.
Another thing that I'm wanting to do again is to play the piano. When I was a kid I think I went to 2 lessons. My grandmother always said I have piano hands and that I should learn how to play. I guess that meant that I have either big hands or long fingers. I have always wanted to go back and take lessons but, I always had an excuse why not to go. I am done making excuses and are willing and wanting to learn how to play the piano well.
Aaron and I had sang a song together before I had neck surgery back in 99'. Along with the piano lessons I am planning on taking vocal lessons too. My reason for doing this is because when I had the neck surgery they had to cut one of my vocal chords to remove a tumor that was around it. For 3 months I could not talk at all. It was not fun, just imagine trying to talk to a 9 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. For anyone to hear me I would have to lean into their ear and whisper. I have never fully received my original voice back. If you listen close you can hear a slight rasp. Taking these lessons will be a brand new experience for me because I have never done this before.
In the past I would have absolutely not drank coffee of any kind. I couldn't even stand the smell of it........now I find myself wanting coffee almost everyday. But not just plain coffee. I like going to Starbucks to get a peppermint white chocolate mocha while sitting with a book or a friend to chat with.
Not to sure where I wanted to go with this today except that I did a few of these things the last few days and boy did they make me feel great.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
bad days
Every one has a bad day every once in a while. It is how we handle those days as to what determines the rest of the day or the next. Some suggestions that I have done....
...read my bible and pray......take a long hot bath..... doll myself all up........go to the gym to let off some steam.....talk to a friend or just cry on their shoulder....scream (I only suggest this inside a closed room by yourself people might think your crazy otherwise).......treat yourself to a piece of chocolate or a cup of coffee or something that you would not normally buy for yourself....get lost in a book, a movie or the computer.....go shopping.......but sometimes we just need to cry and cry and cry some more. After I have one of those days I feel so much more refreshed and able to do the normal everyday tasks.
I pray for those of you who are having a bad day today...remember God will not give us any more than we can handle......Things could always be worse even though we may not think so... Keep looking up ~Christina
...read my bible and pray......take a long hot bath..... doll myself all up........go to the gym to let off some steam.....talk to a friend or just cry on their shoulder....scream (I only suggest this inside a closed room by yourself people might think your crazy otherwise).......treat yourself to a piece of chocolate or a cup of coffee or something that you would not normally buy for yourself....get lost in a book, a movie or the computer.....go shopping.......but sometimes we just need to cry and cry and cry some more. After I have one of those days I feel so much more refreshed and able to do the normal everyday tasks.
I pray for those of you who are having a bad day today...remember God will not give us any more than we can handle......Things could always be worse even though we may not think so... Keep looking up ~Christina
Monday, January 21, 2008
comments
I don't know how many of you actually read the comments that others leave on my blog but this one was so touching and others can gain from this as well as myself that I had to post it for you all to read...........It is from an anonymous commenter from the last entry of mine called, somewhere in the middle....
Like you said at the end of your blog, we are all somewhere in the middle of where we've been and where we are headed. For years, I've thought that I knew just where I needed to be, and I always tried to make sure that I was headed that direction in life. Every once in a while, I have to step back and look from afar to see that God knows more than I do! I've known that all along but occasionally I get carried away with everyday life and forget for a while. When I do step back and look from afar, I see that maybe God already has me where I need to be. If I let go, and let Him control my life, He will take care of everything. Sometimes being in the middle means that you aren't quiet to where you are headed yet (in Gods plan for your life), and sometimes being in the middle means that you are RIGHT where God means for you to be for the moment (in Gods plan), and just didn't make it to where you were headed (in your own plan). I don't always understand why I'm where I am, but I do know there is a reason. Maybe God held me here (in the middle) for a reason? For so long I have tried to set my own path. This time, I'm trying to let God put me where He wants me to be. I don't know if you know it or not, but the Blogs you write and some of the ones that Aaron's Mother and sisters have written have made an impact on my life. By you being where you are in your life and sharing your comments/feelings/emotions, we (the readers) have learned so much about ourselves. Thank you for sharing. I know that some of the readers have known you for a long time. Some of us are still getting to know you. Either way, you and the kids have touched our lives. I know you've touched mine.
Thank you for commenting whomever you are(I think I know who you are).....I couldn't have put it any better! Christina
Like you said at the end of your blog, we are all somewhere in the middle of where we've been and where we are headed. For years, I've thought that I knew just where I needed to be, and I always tried to make sure that I was headed that direction in life. Every once in a while, I have to step back and look from afar to see that God knows more than I do! I've known that all along but occasionally I get carried away with everyday life and forget for a while. When I do step back and look from afar, I see that maybe God already has me where I need to be. If I let go, and let Him control my life, He will take care of everything. Sometimes being in the middle means that you aren't quiet to where you are headed yet (in Gods plan for your life), and sometimes being in the middle means that you are RIGHT where God means for you to be for the moment (in Gods plan), and just didn't make it to where you were headed (in your own plan). I don't always understand why I'm where I am, but I do know there is a reason. Maybe God held me here (in the middle) for a reason? For so long I have tried to set my own path. This time, I'm trying to let God put me where He wants me to be. I don't know if you know it or not, but the Blogs you write and some of the ones that Aaron's Mother and sisters have written have made an impact on my life. By you being where you are in your life and sharing your comments/feelings/emotions, we (the readers) have learned so much about ourselves. Thank you for sharing. I know that some of the readers have known you for a long time. Some of us are still getting to know you. Either way, you and the kids have touched our lives. I know you've touched mine.
Thank you for commenting whomever you are(I think I know who you are).....I couldn't have put it any better! Christina
somewhere in the middle
Sunday morning......usually its a morning of pure heck, running around like crazy to leave for church on time. Not this morning we got up and everyone was quite peaceful. I thought to myself.... it's going to be a great day. I even wore the dress that I wore for Aaron's funeral. I was ok with it besides it being about 3 or 4 sizes too big. I have wanted to wear it before but I would always remember it as "the dress". It didn't seem to bother me yesterday at all. I wore it all day until I went to bed last night.
We always listen to christian music on the way to church and yesterday morning was no different. When we pulled up to the church I had tears running down my face. I'm not quite sure why to tell you the truth, but they were there in full force. I think the song that we were listening to got to me. The song is by casting crowns it is called somewhere in the middle.
Here are the words..........
Somewhere between the hot and the cold~Somewhere between the new and the old ~ Somewhere between who I am and who I use to be~ Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me~ Somewhere between the wrong and the right~ Somewhere between the darkness and the light~Somewhere between who I was and who your makin me~Somewhere in the middle you'll find me~Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control~
Chorus.....
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense~ Deep water faith in the shallow end and we caught in the middle~ With eyes open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is~ But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle~Are we caught in the middle?
Somewhere between my heart and my hands~Somewhere between my faith and my plans~Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves~ Somewhere between a whisper and a roar~ Somewhere between the altar and the door~Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more~Somewhere in the middle you'll find me~ Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without loosing all control~
Chorus...repeat 2 times
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense~ Deep water faith in the shallow end and we caught in the middle~ With eyes open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is~ But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know you're by my side~ Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle, caught in the middle.
I listen to this CD all of the time...It is awesome....
After listening to this song it made me realize that we all are in different places somewhere between who we are and who He is making us. If we let Him He will do this through any circumstance that happens to come our way. Keep lookin up~~Christina
We always listen to christian music on the way to church and yesterday morning was no different. When we pulled up to the church I had tears running down my face. I'm not quite sure why to tell you the truth, but they were there in full force. I think the song that we were listening to got to me. The song is by casting crowns it is called somewhere in the middle.
Here are the words..........
Somewhere between the hot and the cold~Somewhere between the new and the old ~ Somewhere between who I am and who I use to be~ Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me~ Somewhere between the wrong and the right~ Somewhere between the darkness and the light~Somewhere between who I was and who your makin me~Somewhere in the middle you'll find me~Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control~
Chorus.....
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense~ Deep water faith in the shallow end and we caught in the middle~ With eyes open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is~ But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle~Are we caught in the middle?
Somewhere between my heart and my hands~Somewhere between my faith and my plans~Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves~ Somewhere between a whisper and a roar~ Somewhere between the altar and the door~Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more~Somewhere in the middle you'll find me~ Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without loosing all control~
Chorus...repeat 2 times
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense~ Deep water faith in the shallow end and we caught in the middle~ With eyes open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is~ But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know you're by my side~ Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle, caught in the middle.
I listen to this CD all of the time...It is awesome....
After listening to this song it made me realize that we all are in different places somewhere between who we are and who He is making us. If we let Him He will do this through any circumstance that happens to come our way. Keep lookin up~~Christina
Saturday, January 19, 2008
chandler's birthday party
Well, Well, Well, Its been 3 days since my last post. These few days have past by very fast. We have had some great days and not some great days. Samuel and I have had some good conversations this week. Please continue to pray for him...he is blaming himself for Aaron's death.
Today we celebrated Chandler's 9th birthday at Funtasic even though his birthday was actually on the 9th of Jan. Here are some pictures from the event.
Hayden, Madison, Hayden, Brittney and Dawson at the table eating pizza.
I was trying to get a pictures of the girls and Samuel the ham had to jump in!
Chandler with blue icing on his nose
Bennett.."It's finder lickin good"
The Birthday boy with Jacob and Samuel
Chandler blowing out the candles
same picture as before.....I forgot I put it on already and don't know how to delete it.
Mommy with the birthday boy.
The kids had so much fun at the party. They played there for 3 hours. I was able to visit with my friends it was very relaxing. Not how a normal birthday party is.
Today we celebrated Chandler's 9th birthday at Funtasic even though his birthday was actually on the 9th of Jan. Here are some pictures from the event.
Hayden, Madison, Hayden, Brittney and Dawson at the table eating pizza.
I was trying to get a pictures of the girls and Samuel the ham had to jump in!
Chandler with blue icing on his nose
Bennett.."It's finder lickin good"
The Birthday boy with Jacob and Samuel
Chandler blowing out the candles
same picture as before.....I forgot I put it on already and don't know how to delete it.
Mommy with the birthday boy.
The kids had so much fun at the party. They played there for 3 hours. I was able to visit with my friends it was very relaxing. Not how a normal birthday party is.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
choices
In this world we make choices everyday.....we make a choice when to get up or not to get up, we choose to do a devotion and pray or not, we choose what to wear, if were going to take a shower or a bath or not one at all, we choose to eat breakfast or in my case when to eat breakfast, it could be at 7 in the morning or 11 in the morning, we have a choice to go to work or not, sometimes we have a choice as to which way we will go to work, we have a choice to eat lunch alone or invite someone to go with us or then again not to eat lunch at all, we can choose to lite up that cigarette or to give it up completely, we have a choice of who we want to talk to or just plain avoid, we have choices on where we want to shop.....will it be wal-mart or target, we have the choice to exercise or not, to clean the house or not, to watch tv or not, to drink or not, to clean or house or not, to mow the grass or not, to go to church or not.
The one thing you don't have a choice about is when you take that very last breath..........God chooses that for you!
All of that to say that .............I wrote this blog tonight so that maybe it will help at least one person realize that your life is in fact not your own.
Your life belongs to God weather you have chosen him or not!
He choose to send his son to die for you! John 3:16
The one thing you don't have a choice about is when you take that very last breath..........God chooses that for you!
All of that to say that .............I wrote this blog tonight so that maybe it will help at least one person realize that your life is in fact not your own.
Your life belongs to God weather you have chosen him or not!
He choose to send his son to die for you! John 3:16
some recent photos
Just a few recent photos for every one to see. The only one I didn't get a picture of was Chandler.....he was at a friends house when we took these.
Brandi and I hangin at the house!
We got Kristen to take a picture with us
Watch out ladies......Samuel looks just like his Daddy
Me and my baby Bennett......before we got this picture Samuel had to take about 20 of them because Bennett wouldn't look at the camera so Samuel had to just point and shoot.
Lanie snugglin with Mommy before she went out for the evening
Monday, January 14, 2008
busy weekend
Saturday we straightened up around the house and made banana bread. Lanie and Chandler helped. They both love to help me cook. I let them every time I can with the cooking, when I feel like it, that is. Saturday evening Kristen, Brandi, and I went out for Kristen's birthday. We went to a comedy show. It was good but they could do away with the language, that is for sure. It was very funny though I laughed so much my cheeks hurt. After that we hung out till @ 2:00. I guess I didn't make my 12:00 bedtime curfew, sorry Rhonda. The kids were at a friends house so I took advantage of the adult time. I wasn't able to sleep in because of church the next morning but that is ok.
Church was hard Sunday morning....I went to the altar to pray with a friend for her and her situation and I ended up balling because of how much I miss Aaron. It hit me that morning that he will never be there with me again. He will never ever touch me again, pray with me again, sit with me again, hold my hand again, wake up with me again, go places with me again, so on and so on. Needless to say it was a very emotional day for me. My head ended up hurting so I took a nap when the kids did and went back to church that evening. I was a little more put together for the evening service. I spent the evening with a friend and felt much better.
Today I did all of the laundry and picked up the house....I had a very productive day. A much better day emotionally than yesterday.
Church was hard Sunday morning....I went to the altar to pray with a friend for her and her situation and I ended up balling because of how much I miss Aaron. It hit me that morning that he will never be there with me again. He will never ever touch me again, pray with me again, sit with me again, hold my hand again, wake up with me again, go places with me again, so on and so on. Needless to say it was a very emotional day for me. My head ended up hurting so I took a nap when the kids did and went back to church that evening. I was a little more put together for the evening service. I spent the evening with a friend and felt much better.
Today I did all of the laundry and picked up the house....I had a very productive day. A much better day emotionally than yesterday.
Friday, January 11, 2008
single life...yuck
Do we ever really know someone? People come in our lives and leave our lives weather it be because of a disagreement, a move, their not compatible, or even God forbid a death.
Aaron and I discussed on more than 4 or 5 occasions that if something were to happen to either one of us then we wanted for each other to get re-married again. (that means we would have to meet people) We both told each other at the time that we would never consider that. I explained to him that he would need help with the kids as well as other needs that would need to be met. He definitely couldn't raise 4 kids on his own. He said the same to me. He begged me to find someone that God intended for me to be with after he was gone. He didn't want me to be alone. I wouldn't have wanted that for him either.
Now that I am technically single I find myself looking....Looking at men thinking maybe he is the one that God will put in my life to make me whole once again. Dating...yuck.....I never wanted to do that again, ever! I was such a good wife, I am definitely not a good single person. I could see myself dating again, but is it wrong, is it too soon? Only I will be able to know if it is too soon. No one can fully understand all of the emotions that we are experiencing. There will be people who say it is good and there will be people who say it is too soon, how can she be speaking with another male? I am not going to be able to please everyone on this matter. I don't want any of you to worry because, I will be looking to the Lord for guidance on this issue and pray that he sends me another prince charming for the Lord. Not my will but His be done!!
Aaron and I discussed on more than 4 or 5 occasions that if something were to happen to either one of us then we wanted for each other to get re-married again. (that means we would have to meet people) We both told each other at the time that we would never consider that. I explained to him that he would need help with the kids as well as other needs that would need to be met. He definitely couldn't raise 4 kids on his own. He said the same to me. He begged me to find someone that God intended for me to be with after he was gone. He didn't want me to be alone. I wouldn't have wanted that for him either.
Now that I am technically single I find myself looking....Looking at men thinking maybe he is the one that God will put in my life to make me whole once again. Dating...yuck.....I never wanted to do that again, ever! I was such a good wife, I am definitely not a good single person. I could see myself dating again, but is it wrong, is it too soon? Only I will be able to know if it is too soon. No one can fully understand all of the emotions that we are experiencing. There will be people who say it is good and there will be people who say it is too soon, how can she be speaking with another male? I am not going to be able to please everyone on this matter. I don't want any of you to worry because, I will be looking to the Lord for guidance on this issue and pray that he sends me another prince charming for the Lord. Not my will but His be done!!
In his timing......Christina
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
birthdays
January seems to be the birthday month in our family not to mention our friends too. This week alone we will be celebrating 3 of them.
Yesterday was my good friends Kristen's birthday( you never tell a woman's age), today would have been Aaron's birthday (he would have been 36) and tomorrow is Chandler's birthday( he will be 9). How we all celebrate our birthdays are very different and special. Normally you would have a big party with cake and ice cream and a whole bunch of your friends, but that is not how it was in Aaron's family from what he had told me. They had a special birthday meal that their mom would make of their choice and then she would make a pie instead of a cake for Aaron because he loved pies. We will be having a pie in honor of Aaron's birthday today and for every year to come.
Yesterday was my good friends Kristen's birthday( you never tell a woman's age), today would have been Aaron's birthday (he would have been 36) and tomorrow is Chandler's birthday( he will be 9). How we all celebrate our birthdays are very different and special. Normally you would have a big party with cake and ice cream and a whole bunch of your friends, but that is not how it was in Aaron's family from what he had told me. They had a special birthday meal that their mom would make of their choice and then she would make a pie instead of a cake for Aaron because he loved pies. We will be having a pie in honor of Aaron's birthday today and for every year to come.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
catch up
I only have a few minutes to get caught up for today.......
Yesterday we went to the gym and then I took the kids to the park, Bennett has had a fever off and on so we didn't do much yesterday. I did have company over for the college championship game. Some copped out and didn't come but that is ok it left more food for us. I am off today to take Lanie to school and Bennett to get a throat culture dons because his throat is very red. I will also be doing some errands that I needed to do last week but hadn't gotten around to it. Now I have to do them with a whiny sick kid, oh well tis life I guess.
Samuel's counseling apt went well, She spoke with me 1st and then to Samuel. The counselor that we are seeing also lost her dad when she was 5 so there is a connection there with Samuel already. I know now that I definitely need to go and talk with somone too. I thought I was doing ok until I talked with her for a few minutes. I found that I am not doing enough grieving because of all of the everyday life stuff and trying to be strong for the kids. She didn't say this at all, I just heard that small still voice telling me it is ok and that I need to do this too.
Samuel is dealing with the last moments that he and his dad had together before Samuel went off to school that morning. They had a little confrontation and Samuel had a chip on his shoulder when Aaron dropped them off for school. So he is dealing with the pain of not telling Aaron that he loved him. I try to make him realize that his Daddy knew that he loved him even though he didn't tell him when he was dropped off for school.
Have a wonderful day....God Bless you all, Christina
Yesterday we went to the gym and then I took the kids to the park, Bennett has had a fever off and on so we didn't do much yesterday. I did have company over for the college championship game. Some copped out and didn't come but that is ok it left more food for us. I am off today to take Lanie to school and Bennett to get a throat culture dons because his throat is very red. I will also be doing some errands that I needed to do last week but hadn't gotten around to it. Now I have to do them with a whiny sick kid, oh well tis life I guess.
Samuel's counseling apt went well, She spoke with me 1st and then to Samuel. The counselor that we are seeing also lost her dad when she was 5 so there is a connection there with Samuel already. I know now that I definitely need to go and talk with somone too. I thought I was doing ok until I talked with her for a few minutes. I found that I am not doing enough grieving because of all of the everyday life stuff and trying to be strong for the kids. She didn't say this at all, I just heard that small still voice telling me it is ok and that I need to do this too.
Samuel is dealing with the last moments that he and his dad had together before Samuel went off to school that morning. They had a little confrontation and Samuel had a chip on his shoulder when Aaron dropped them off for school. So he is dealing with the pain of not telling Aaron that he loved him. I try to make him realize that his Daddy knew that he loved him even though he didn't tell him when he was dropped off for school.
Have a wonderful day....God Bless you all, Christina
Sunday, January 6, 2008
God hand
This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it.......
Sunday's my favorite day of the week. The day I can go to corporate worship and praise the Lord with other believers. I love surrounding myself with others who will lift each other up by prayer and encouragement.
A friend of mine sang a song this morning and it was just beautiful....... It was called I will lift my eyes, by Bebo Norman. Then Dave our music minister got up to sing and I didn't know what he was going to sing because I hadn't looked at the bulletin and when the 1st few chords came on I immediately looked for some tissues because it was the song by casting crowns titled .... I will praise you in the storm. Wow how god works. I am so glad that I took time with Samuel the other night, even though it was late, to help him download songs for his MP4 player. ( I am not good at those sorts of things but I managed with help from my brother in law, thanks Mark) That was one of the songs that we came across and had been listening to it all weekend. I am so thankful the God prepared me for that because if I had not heard it for the past 2 days I would have been a blubbering idiot this morning during church. If you let God have his hand in your life then you will be able to handle things in his strength.
I'm cutting this short tonight because I am going to force myself to go to bed. I fell like tonight might be rough for me because Bennett has a fever and that is never good in the middle of the night. God Bless...keep looking up! Christina
Sunday's my favorite day of the week. The day I can go to corporate worship and praise the Lord with other believers. I love surrounding myself with others who will lift each other up by prayer and encouragement.
A friend of mine sang a song this morning and it was just beautiful....... It was called I will lift my eyes, by Bebo Norman. Then Dave our music minister got up to sing and I didn't know what he was going to sing because I hadn't looked at the bulletin and when the 1st few chords came on I immediately looked for some tissues because it was the song by casting crowns titled .... I will praise you in the storm. Wow how god works. I am so glad that I took time with Samuel the other night, even though it was late, to help him download songs for his MP4 player. ( I am not good at those sorts of things but I managed with help from my brother in law, thanks Mark) That was one of the songs that we came across and had been listening to it all weekend. I am so thankful the God prepared me for that because if I had not heard it for the past 2 days I would have been a blubbering idiot this morning during church. If you let God have his hand in your life then you will be able to handle things in his strength.
I'm cutting this short tonight because I am going to force myself to go to bed. I fell like tonight might be rough for me because Bennett has a fever and that is never good in the middle of the night. God Bless...keep looking up! Christina
Saturday, January 5, 2008
I will praise him through the storm
I went to the clinic today to be seen to see if I needed to go and see a psychologist. She suggested that I just go and talk to a counselor for right now and they would suggest going to someone else if I need it. So she seems to think that I am just going through the normal grieving process. Yeah...I'm not crazy as of right now!! I then spoke with her about Samuel and she said that I needed to get him in ASAP. I already knew that but just needed the contact info for him. We have an apt on Monday afternoon. I might even take Chandler with me as well.
Sometimes I feel as though I need to separate myself from others until we all are done grieving. But will we ever be done grieving? And how long will that take? Months years decades? I can't see the end. Aaron wanted me to enjoy my life, but it doesn't seem possible at times. Many say it will get better over time and yes that is true to an extent. It will be easier to talk about Aaron with out crying, sniffling, or tearing up but the pain will never completely go away.
Through all of this we still need to praise the creator of Heaven and earth for everything he has done and will continue to do. What a roller coaster we all are on. For some of us the ride is steeper and longer. No matter which grieving roller coaster ride you are on remember that Jesus is beside us every minute of everyday. I am trying so hard to enjoy every minute that he has given me, but it is still hard. I have found it easier to be surrounded by my Christian brothers and sisters and by listening to Christian music. I find myself drawn to certain songs. All I do is sit, listen, and praise him...... even through the storm. Christina
Sometimes I feel as though I need to separate myself from others until we all are done grieving. But will we ever be done grieving? And how long will that take? Months years decades? I can't see the end. Aaron wanted me to enjoy my life, but it doesn't seem possible at times. Many say it will get better over time and yes that is true to an extent. It will be easier to talk about Aaron with out crying, sniffling, or tearing up but the pain will never completely go away.
Through all of this we still need to praise the creator of Heaven and earth for everything he has done and will continue to do. What a roller coaster we all are on. For some of us the ride is steeper and longer. No matter which grieving roller coaster ride you are on remember that Jesus is beside us every minute of everyday. I am trying so hard to enjoy every minute that he has given me, but it is still hard. I have found it easier to be surrounded by my Christian brothers and sisters and by listening to Christian music. I find myself drawn to certain songs. All I do is sit, listen, and praise him...... even through the storm. Christina
Friday, January 4, 2008
anonymous comments
Samuel and I read the anonymous comment that was left on the entry "back to school". It touched both of our hearts and we love it when you all post comments on here for us to be encouraged by. We do ask you though if you leave a comment anonymously if you will sign it before you send it so that we know who is lifting us up. If you infact want to be left anonymous that is quite ok. Thank you so much for all of your encouragement and concern and willingness to help us in anyway possible. We love each and everyone of you for that. Samuel and Chistina
Thursday, January 3, 2008
back to school
The kids went back to school today. I don't think that any of us were ready for that. Chandler was the only one that got up this morning in time to get ready for school. I heard a knock at the door at 7:50 and it was their ride for school. Chandler was the only one out of bed. Thank goodness I fell asleep with my clothes on last night. I had to go wake Samuel up and shove him out the door. He never got dressed that fast in his lifetime. He had to eat a banana and a granola bar on the way to school. Lanie and Bennett were an hour late for school. I really should set the alarm clock since my kids are sleeping in now.
I told Julie this morning that I was not going to go back to work this year. The only time I have for myself are the 2 days that they all go to school. These are the days where I can be on the phone and not be interrupted, go to Dr. appointments, go shopping by myself, eat a meal in peace, and so on and so on. Today I had planned to go to the bank, do my laundry, pay the bills, and take a nap. I did 2 out of the 4 of them by the time I had to go and pick up the little kids from school. I went by the bank and napped, boy did I need that nap. Now I can't sleep though. I am in the middle of doing laundry and I did end up getting the bills paid. It is so easy to do them on line, and fast too. I was so set against the on-line bill paying thing, but after Aaron passed I had to make my life easier in certain areas and that was one of them.
Samuel is having a rough time right now with his daddy not being here anymore. He is struggling with thoughts about me dying when he is not with me. He doesn't want me to go anywhere without him. He has also told me that all he wants is for God to take him to his daddy in heaven. Needless to say I have an appointment with a doctor today to get him seen for these issues.
I told Julie this morning that I was not going to go back to work this year. The only time I have for myself are the 2 days that they all go to school. These are the days where I can be on the phone and not be interrupted, go to Dr. appointments, go shopping by myself, eat a meal in peace, and so on and so on. Today I had planned to go to the bank, do my laundry, pay the bills, and take a nap. I did 2 out of the 4 of them by the time I had to go and pick up the little kids from school. I went by the bank and napped, boy did I need that nap. Now I can't sleep though. I am in the middle of doing laundry and I did end up getting the bills paid. It is so easy to do them on line, and fast too. I was so set against the on-line bill paying thing, but after Aaron passed I had to make my life easier in certain areas and that was one of them.
Samuel is having a rough time right now with his daddy not being here anymore. He is struggling with thoughts about me dying when he is not with me. He doesn't want me to go anywhere without him. He has also told me that all he wants is for God to take him to his daddy in heaven. Needless to say I have an appointment with a doctor today to get him seen for these issues.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
new year's day
The kids and I went over to Kristen and Stephen's house for New years dinner. He made fried turkey, fried corn, stuffing, and baked beans. I made pork and sauerkraut, collard greens, deviled eggs, and potato salad. Sorry Mom we didn't have the traditional black -eyed peas that we always have. ( I don't like them anyways) Thanks Aunt Kathy for giving me your potato salad recipe, everyone always asks me to make it for them. For dessert we had oreo cream pie...... In one word.... Yuumm. We played on the computer a little while the kids played together in the house. We all had a fun night. I love hanging out with them. They make me feel special and loved. Thanks for making the night fun and memorable.
January 1st
I guess I need to catch everyone up on what has been going on here in Arkansas since some of you have been asking.......
Sunday...need I say more it is the Lords day. If you don't attend church regularly may I suggest that you should. I don't know how I would handle all of this if the Lord was not 1st and formost in my life. We went to church and it was good(it always is). Kylan our youth minister preached and a music minister stood in for our normal music guy. Nothing lacked at all!!! Watch out Brother Stephen :) I felt so refreshed and encouraged after attending both services. As we should be. There are also times when we sould feel convicted.
Monday.....New Years Eve....I had a baby sitter for the kids. Rhonda and I went and returned some items and went shopping. I needed some jeans because all of my clothes are way to big(can you say baggy bootie). I would say I love to shop but then I would be fibbing. I can stand it for abut an hour or so then I start having anxiety when I reach the counter and they tell me the total. Does any one else have this problem? Not the women I assume. Aaron use to tall me that I could squeeze blood out of a turnip. HaHa I'm not joking he always told anyone that. It never bothered me though because that is how we were able to afford nice things. When we got home the older boys went to some friends for the night. Rhonda and I (or should I say Rhonda) watched a movie while I watched the back of my eyelids. See I really didn't want to stay awake for the new year because I was missing my other half to welcome it in with.
Last night and today has been very hard for me because every year we would have a whole bunch of people over our house to eat, play games, shoot pool, play foosball and do what ever else we wanted.
I have not been myself today. Ronda left this morning and I have been cooking all day as well as talking with friends on the phone. Sometimes to helps to talk and then again sometime it doesn't. I guess it depends on the person that you are talking to. It just doesn't seem like I am going to be able to get through all of this...I have to remember that Philippians 4:13 says... I can do all thing through Christ which straightens me.
Sunday...need I say more it is the Lords day. If you don't attend church regularly may I suggest that you should. I don't know how I would handle all of this if the Lord was not 1st and formost in my life. We went to church and it was good(it always is). Kylan our youth minister preached and a music minister stood in for our normal music guy. Nothing lacked at all!!! Watch out Brother Stephen :) I felt so refreshed and encouraged after attending both services. As we should be. There are also times when we sould feel convicted.
Monday.....New Years Eve....I had a baby sitter for the kids. Rhonda and I went and returned some items and went shopping. I needed some jeans because all of my clothes are way to big(can you say baggy bootie). I would say I love to shop but then I would be fibbing. I can stand it for abut an hour or so then I start having anxiety when I reach the counter and they tell me the total. Does any one else have this problem? Not the women I assume. Aaron use to tall me that I could squeeze blood out of a turnip. HaHa I'm not joking he always told anyone that. It never bothered me though because that is how we were able to afford nice things. When we got home the older boys went to some friends for the night. Rhonda and I (or should I say Rhonda) watched a movie while I watched the back of my eyelids. See I really didn't want to stay awake for the new year because I was missing my other half to welcome it in with.
Last night and today has been very hard for me because every year we would have a whole bunch of people over our house to eat, play games, shoot pool, play foosball and do what ever else we wanted.
I have not been myself today. Ronda left this morning and I have been cooking all day as well as talking with friends on the phone. Sometimes to helps to talk and then again sometime it doesn't. I guess it depends on the person that you are talking to. It just doesn't seem like I am going to be able to get through all of this...I have to remember that Philippians 4:13 says... I can do all thing through Christ which straightens me.
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